F. Jason Whitaker Writer

Good night to all who will Read my words And realize  What I've been through It's not a show  But my life  Becoming a nightmare 

Late night I'm thinking Sinking deeper within, Images in mind Of when I was there With you. We had our routines I recall the way Our day typically began And how the nights went Living in my mind Moments of time Projected again and again As I keep searching for Anything that reminds me of you.

I'm feeling so much at once Left home to be stuck In-between I'm waiting  For what some call luck. I don't know if I give a duck I buck trends to render each day  Like a maze with random things. I'm not simple, I'm complicated, I miss so much that has been taken I'm looking forward but I remember The days and nights that were  My life before things fell apart, Do you know what I've been through?

All the things in my head, Memories of times gone Memories of books I read I'm going through this alone  Have you heard the things I've said. I'm not here to make you anything I'm just looking for help While my entire world is Falling apart.

I'm remembering so much at once Memories of times over years Expanding in my mind, I'm experiencing again So many times from my life All at once In my head.

I'm not going anywhere today, Stuck in this place again, I miss everything I had, I miss my life before this... I've been here for months Waiting for something else, These days alone dreaming Of what's possible ahead  While remembering her  And those times we shared.

Let's not pretend You were not aware Of the things you did To me. I lost everything While you Played your games With my life.

I'm feeling what I'm feeling, Don't complicate The things you've Already made A nightmare. You took me from my home, The only family I knew, Placed me in this place That's not right for me.

I had a drum kit After so many years of dreaming. They came and Stole everything I had. I am mad I just had my life torn apart By those now claiming To be helping me.

Hello, Good morning. I'm not sure of anything Beyond this very moment. I'm restless I feel tired no matter how many hours I sleep. I'm awake Again For a new day. I'm awake Trying not to go too deep. Emotions are overwhelming As I try to remain hopeful  About a tomorrow I'm uncertain of...

I watch the sky Throughout the day, I remember her And the times before I want those days again But that'll never be. I'm alone here Wishing I could Go back to the way Things were. I watch the sky  As I wonder why Things happened to me The way they have.

I'm doing the same thing All the time I'm here Waiting for something, Anything new to happen. I'm alone wishing I had someone To fall in love with but I'm here alone. I want to have him be in my life, I could feel him pressed against my body. I am alone wishing I had someone To love and be loved by. I'm alone instead With memories in my head Of guys I liked years ago.

Sad moments, Time is so long When you don't know  What to do now. Looking back over All that you've done wrong.

I've heard nothing, I've been told nothing. I am waiting  I am watching  Time passing outside  But inside I'm holding On to a time once was But now I'm here in-between  Wishing we could had more time To talk about the past. I'm here suffering Wishing I could do it all again.

In memory I'm hugging you, Not wanting to let go Because I miss you. I'm here without you Struggling to breath, I here without you Searching for relief From all of these emotions I'm feeling deeply within. I'm sad about so many things. I miss those moments Late nights together. I miss what we had. I miss having family I miss you now and forever.

There's a space inside, I'm hiding within, A connection to And with All of the moments If my life. I'm searching Trying to find A moment Of moments From when We were together, When we shared stories And laughter.

Here am I Sitting Trying to remain numb To the intense feelings As I wait for the uncertain Next thing to arrive in my life. I'm not happy, I'm down and restless This morning I woke up Thinking I'd rather stay in bed. I form connections to everything, I'm longing for something I'll never have again.

Woke up suddenly, A new day beginning, I'm somewhere new These days of confusion. I find myself thinking about  The things I thought were forgotten. I find these dreams lingering, I find these memories triggering, I find myself wondering about How far I'd want to go back In time to do things over again. I find myself dreaming of times Not often remembered Like the times we sat watching Those old shows on streaming.

Do I feel anything? I've been numb so often. These days are strange, Hours of waiting, Hours of debating. I'm unsure of tomorrow, The days to come, The times after being Stuck in the same place For so long.

I've got memories They haunt me I'm not forgetting her But whenever I think of her The sadness comes quick. I've never been without her Like I am now, She was there for me When I had no one else. I'm just sad enough To not want to do anything. I've got memories But they bring me down.

I'm watching time, It goes on though I want it to reverse. I'm remembering her, I'm counting minutes I'm living in each moment Trying to get through this Hopeful for the uncertain To come after.

The day is going away Moment by moment Slipping away. The light changing As we go through These hours Of dreaming While awake. Do you feel time pulling you Through these hours Like a wave crushing you. I've been crushed by time, Now I'm going through each hour Feeling the past and future pulling on me.

There is a song in my head I hear the words repeating I'm in this place finding  My days repeating  Lost in the time  Between what was And what could be  But now is the waiting While people are doing Things affecting me But I'm unaware of The current state of  The things changing In my life.

No don't say Stay in silence Hold me closer Bring me tighter Keep me in your arms Embrace me through  My suffering. I'm here alone in my sadness Feeling the madness As time drags on around me I'm hesitant to be found  After being forgotten For so long.

It's morning and I'm thinking How much longer before I go to sleep again. I hear the silence of not knowing I feel the empty of the unaware I stare into the sky  Blue sky  Or clouds  To find a calming In this alarming State of being Seeing my life Torn apart by time And death. These are the days of waiting for a tomorrow...

I'm awake another day  I'm aware Barely but still I'm alive Trying to dodge The thoughts That bring Sadness and tears To my eyes. Have you seen me? I'm trying to hold it together But I feel these feelings So deep inside.

I don't want to be here, My mind is elsewhere  My mind is where I once was My mind is where I am to be  My mind doesn't rest I failed the test This is not easy to digest This in-between place This space I occupy Not understanding why. I'm here That's all I am for now, Waiting for the next phase to begin, Move from here  to somewhere I've already been.

I'm drifting through another day, The sorrow of yesterday The hope of tomorrow, Past and future in one moment. I'm feeling stuck in between. I recall years gone while waiting, I imagine years to be while waiting, Watching time passing while here Confined I'm anxious about everything. I know this shall pass as things have before, I'm here in-between waiting for things Things uncertain, Things desired, Things imagined for so many years.

It was a brief moment A time in my life, Not often thought of, So much regret about it. Peter, we met at a time In our lives You were too afraid of consequences To be with me. I wanted something from you You were unable to give me. I miss you now Knowing I'll never Cross paths with you.

Morning again  Sun rising I feel the hours passing Woke up alone again Woke up several times  Thinking it was the same hour again. I'm racing against my mind Dodging the sadness I find Searching for something  To take away the sadness.

I've been here for months waiting  My time waste My mind full of sadness  I've been drifting  Trying to remain afloat  Holding onto the only hope I have left.

I miss the mornings  Waking up knowing  You were in the other room. I hate this feeling  Knowing you are not there And I'm not there. I miss you  Each day  I miss you. It's a daily thing Trying not to cry It's a daily thing  Trying to get through Another day.

When I wake up In this new place I question everything. I wake up knowing I'm still here but I don't feel like I belong here Like an episode of a show on streaming These sets are realistic There's no studio audience. I'm in too deep To see the stage exit. I'm drifting in and out Of accepting Things will never be the way they were again.

Oh I'm going through a change, My life rearranged, Strange days are upon me, I'm waiting for something Something I'm uncertain of... Too many questions about How things will be after These days of in-between. I'm ready for a moving forward While holding to the memories Of those past days I had Past days I hold so dear. I fear I miss those times But my hope is for better days to be...

Sunday morning. I'm here waiting For change After so much has changed. I'm tired but I'm awake Trying to get through Another day.

A day like this Days unlike those days I once knew as my daily living, I'm finding myself again After the ending Of what I knew For something to be Though in this moment It's uncertain.

If I can make it through this I know things will get better. My life has changed, rearranged. Strange days are these times Of things uncertain. I'm not giving up I'm being torn apart But I need to move onward Build a new life Out of the ruins. I'm not going to stop living.

This morning with the promise of rain I'm reminded of the things that drain, Days of sorrow anxious about tomorrow And the unknown that comes with everyday life.

These are the strange days Watching the Sun's rays Clouds shifting the beams I'm so many beautiful ways. I fear I'm lost in memory Memories of when you were still there I want you back again But I know you're not longer In pain. I'm here wishing we could go back To those times Sitting around Watching old shows On streaming.

I'm sitting here alone again  Trying to remember you, I'm so sad from missing you I don't know how to deal Without you. I'm stuck in my memory, I need to hold on to The moments we were Together in that house. I told you I'd miss you  Once you were gone I never imagined I'd feel like this Broken inside and struggling To reach the end of another day.

Late at night  Wishing things had been different  I recall the day Things changed forever...

 Tuesday, September 02, 2025   This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k

I'm waiting I'm uncertain  Days are passing And I'm wondering What will happen next.

I've been here since June 19 I've been stuck here so long  I've lost myself since being here Removed from the life I knew.

I've built a castle in my mind  A place I go from time to time. Inside these walls are found The emotions of a lifetime.

I've been watching time Wave goodbye as I sit here Wasting time each day. I'm better than you You took everything from me. I'm waiting for your end I'm waiting for you to join her Beneath the ground.

I've got no time to waste In a guy like that I've got no time To be so patient with you. I've been here While everything I had  Was taken from me I've been here This many days Waiting for whatever Is next for me...

It's another Monday I'm trying to get through Just another day missing The one person I want to be here now.

I find myself forgetting  You have gone  And I'm left alone  In this world. I want to sleep My life away Because you Went away...

I was dreaming I dreamt of you I wish it were Not just a dream. I dreamt of you I miss you so much I wish you were here I'd tell you about The dream I had last night With you...

I'm in my mind Cannot rewind time To when I was  Home with you Home is where I miss I remember The nights Times I wish I could Live again.

I'm on my own I'm all alone Watching the same shows We watched together, I miss those nights together Watching old shows On streaming Now I'm dreaming Of the times we sat together Watching TV together.