F. Jason Whitaker Writer

I feel time crushing me. Each day is a struggle. Each night I wait for dreams to take me from here if but for a few moments.

I'm not even certain about anything but I keep going not knowing where these thoughts shall lead me but life has brought me here to this place.

In the night I'm listening to the soundtrack of the night. The wind through branches of a tree outside of my window. Birds or bats flying through. Time passes as I note the sounds all around me. I'm awake in the middle of the night trying to get back to vivid dreams. I want somebody to be next to me as I sleep. My mind wanders as I try to empty myself of everything but my mind is never truly empty enough to get to sleep. The rain makes a rhythm on the rooftop as I am reminded of things I momentarily forgot. Sleep comes in moments like a play with intermissions. Vivid dreams that fade once I begin my day. New day arriving. It takes more than a moment to come alive. I leave my bed wanting to go back. I begin my day not knowing what it shall bring.

Monday, March 09, 2026 I walked to several places today: Starbucks Whataburger Tropical smoothie Cafe Middle Tyger library It was a long walk and it was hot. I was considering going somewhere tomorrow but I'm reconsidering. I keep thinking about what's next. When I was home I was anxious about what's next but I thought being in DSS custody it would not be so uncertain. I thought they would help me with certain things. I don't know what they're doing or what what they're going to do. My birthday is Sunday...

Sunday, March 08, 2026 It's Sunday evening. The morning the time changed. I feel uncertain. I'm anxious about everything. I went to first Baptist Greenville SC with Gary. We went by MacDonald first. Afterwards we went to Panera Bread. I like my Sunday school at first Baptist. I watched christ chapel of the valley on Facebook when I arrived back at the facility. I only ate part of my sandwich at lunch so I had the rest of the sandwich and the full salad at dinner. I'm considering staying in Greenville at least for now instead of moving directly back to California. I don't think I can handle the stress of finding housing. I know that I would prefer a place with public transportation and other resources but South Carolina might have to be my home for at least a while longer. My roommate's noise making is difficult to deal with because it makes it difficult to sleep. He's an old man and doesn't seem to care that he's making so much noise. I'm planning on...

I've seen these days in dreams I've seen the storm clouds, For years  I sat by her bed Knowing each night could have been  Our last time together Watching streaming on the TV.