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Thursday, May 07, 2026

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Thursday, May 07, 2026 It's Thursday evening. I'm on my bed in this facility in the middle of nowhere. I'm still in DSS custody waiting for my benefits. I have my Medicaid, my disability has been approved, but I'm still waiting for social security to allow me to be my own payee and approve my social security. I need to know how much I will make per month so I can apply for housing benefits and affordable housing. I'm tired of being here. I miss her and the life I once had at home. It's weird for me to say it but I miss that house. I miss my bedroom. I miss my things. Everything I had, including money, was stolen while I have been in DSS custody. I'm tired. I'm anxious. I'm depressed. I need to move forward with my life. My hope is to receive my social security and secure housing in California. I also need to figure out how to move me and the stuff I now have to California. I have an exercise bike I would like to keep that I won while in custody. I wa...
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nightmare

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I've been here too long, It's like the same irritating song, Nothing has changed But everything is different. I've lost so much I don't know where to begin. I'm trapped in this nightmare.
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days gone

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I'm just drifting through Each day another day To reach the end to As I'm dreaming of  Better days to come And the many days That have been that I miss the most...
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farewell

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It's another day alone here, Missing her, Missing those days and nights. I recall the moments We spent in that house, Now I'm many miles away from The house we called home And you're not far from me now But you're in the ground.
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in-between

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I am nowhere familiar, These days unfamiliar, I'm certain of nothing, Days gone I'm remembering, I'm just being in this moment of Day to day living. Last year everything was different, It wasn't great but I miss those days, Last year everything changed in one day And now I'm here waiting For what's next to be... Waiting for my life to truly begin But for now I'm in this in-between...
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Saturday, April 25, 2026

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Saturday, April 25, 2026 It's April, almost May, and I'm beginning to receive my benefits after my disability was approved. I'm working with my caseworkers to locate housing for me in California. I'm also working with them in regards to getting me and my stuff out there. I'm excited and anxious about moving back to California. There's a part of me that would have chosen to live in Greenville or Columbia SC instead of having to worry about all of the details involved with moving back to California. I hate these days of being alone with no place to go and nothing like it was before...
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together

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Sometimes everything is too much. Sometimes I need to get away, Sometimes I need to be somewhere Other than where I am now. I think of love and a lover, I think of hope and desire, I think of being close to him The things I could do with him. I'm alone waiting for the one, Love and so much more, Times shared and memories made Together we could make life more bearable.
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