F. Jason Whitaker Writer

 Friday, October 31, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Friday, October 31, 2025 Friday night. This morning my friend Gary took me to a few places, here is a list of where we went in order of when we went there: McDonald's 711 Speedway Five Below Wendy's Publix McDonald's I was able to get a bunch of stuff for free today. I had breakfast at McDonald's. I walked down to the other houses and talked with the people down there including my friend Chris who was moved from the house across the street down to house #3. Chris I played Uno and a card game called Speed. I tried my best to teach him speed. My friend Julie is coming up tomorrow...

 Thursday, October 30, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Thursday, October 30, 2025 Tomorrow's Halloween. My friend Gary is taking me to a few places in the morning. My friend Julie is coming up to take me places on Saturday. Sunday I'm going church. It's the end of another month. Tonight I found out I won...

Everything wasn't fine, It's not a line from a play performed, Life was not perfect But I miss all of the imperfections.

Weather changes Life rearranges Things moving I'm leaving It all behind. Don't remind me I've been here before, I've lost so much So many times It rhymes but It doesn't make me feel better About all of my loss, I'm just trying to keep going on Until I find somewhere to rest.

He smiled He wanted me Our lips pressed together. I was on top Kissing him Not wanting Our moment In life together To end but eventually it did End and I went Places far and near While still remembering Those moments we had Though they were short and temporary.

A field Lost in visions Running from things Home was a place I ran from, She found me When I was escaping, She was always there for me, I'm forever thankful For the one now no longer with me. I miss her each day, I'm trying to get through Each day without her But her absence is felt Deep inside so deep I could never run From the sorrow of missing her in my life.

All these days and nights I turned off the light I imagine the feeling Of your body against mine. I dream of you  But I don't know who you are... I imagine us together But we've never met.

Do you ever recall me? Do you remember me? I was there but you never saw me.

Distant thunder Promise of rain I strain my brain To find that moment, A time in my memory A time in my life When I was myself  Before the masking Took away what made me myself.

Somewhere we've been before It's pulling us back again, Unfinished story More to tell Of a tale We began years ago. I flow I rise From the darkness Of sorrow To find tomorrow Lit by the hope That keeps us Moving on after such a loss as this...

Let's be nothing but us, Together we could soar High above the imagined things That keep us down, That weight of life Dragging us down When we have so many reasons To fly above the towers of imagination Find no hesitation and become What we've always been destined To become.

It's the times like these Late at night I find clarity But my body Pulls me towards dreams. In my mind Unfolding like a map Are the many visions of My life throughout Time Coming to me so clear I feel like I'm there But I'll never be Where I was at one time again I can't go home again.

In my mind are voices A constant conversation, I'm different things All at one time, I'm struggling with Balancing between Being Autistic and ADHD. I find the routines of life Comforting and boring I find the unknown Refreshing and frightening.

I called you everyday Just as the end credits began, I was in love But what did you see When you thought of us? I don't know I just wanted something I didn't know How to ask you for But I wonder now If you wanted The things I wanted For the two of us...

Do you recall moments before You wanted me I was nervous, We kissed and more Before life tore us apart? I often remember The way it was To be close to you. I often remember Your smile And kissing On the downstairs Bathroom floor.

Lost in your room again in memory We were close Near to being one We tried but failed I'm not telling anything But what happened One night we were Together we attempted Something I'd never tried before.

Fear nothing but not trying, I find myself wondering What is next for me, Let's be in the moment Let's be interesting. I'm not sure  But I'll keep going until I find a new direction To go.

Time is chasing me Moments before refrained Nothing contained Memories spilling over Mind is flowing I'm floating through Time is gone Time is going I'm here but I'm everywhere All at once. I'm drifting through time In my mind...

These hours of being aware Late night awake Mind full And trying to figure out Everything all at once.

I once met a man A janitor cleaning rooms of education, He spoke with me  He shared his food with me. I wonder what became of him, He helped me survive Those days of hunger. He helped me Not wanting anything From me. I once met a man He came into my life When I needed somebody.

Awake I hear the rain fall, No one but me hearing The things that bring me to stand Call the shadows from the corner of the room Memories of forgotten days lingering Bringing me back to before Things changed forever.

 Wednesday, October 29, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Wednesday, October 29, 2025 I'm writing this because I'm asking for help. I'm also writing this so that there's clarification as to the help I need. I'm also writing this because people have a tendency not to hear me. I'm not sure if you can help me alone but that's why I'm writing this to as many people as I can think of. My current situation: I'm in DSS custody in a facility called ruby Donald in Greenville County South Carolina. In June I was removed from my home. I've had money and all of my possessions stolen from me. I was first placed in the hospital ER in Columbia after being removed from my home in west Columbia. I was ...

Let me stand by you Hold your hand Kiss you on the lips Take your hand. I'm here for you  I can take you. I'm ready for you  Come find me. I'm not going anywhere  So come take me To your bed tonight.

Someday I'll look back on these nights These nights I look back Over the years I was there And she was there with me But now she's gone And I'm here missing All of those times we shared Over the years. I would live those years again Just to be at your bedside Once more...

These moments take me back to times I long to live again, If only I could go back To live it all again.

I confess I'm never certain about anything I'm guessing things can't get worse But I've been wrong before.

Everything I've been is new to me, I never knew things would be As they have been these months I've been alone struggling to find myself I never wanted it to end The life I knew before everything changed. I'm restless watching time move Passing before me like it always has And I've known things would change But I never knew this would be the outcome For that dreaded thing that brought me here To the town it all began Those years ago when I was a child But now I'm here alone without her 

 Tuesday, October 28th, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Tuesday, October 28th, 2025 Tuesday night. It's been a long day. I've been anxious and overwhelmed about how much longer I will be held captive in this facility. I've been here too long already...

Last night I dreamt dreams I can't recall I'm finding myself blank and in a void Internal dialogues keep me wanting more, Something to do aside from this same old.

I'm still waiting for something Waiting for change to my life, Time goes by at a pace I forgot the way things were I'm trapped here alone Dreaming of a better life. Falling through the space in my mind I find it's such a big space Here in my head I'm drifting through Each day I don't want to be here. I'm still waiting for change Waiting for my life to begin. It's autumn now Wet leaves changing colors As I wait for change myself.

I've been alone Single For all of my life. I hear your voice It calms my. Inner voices. I'm in the middle The night brings me closer Morning waiting With promises of Love found while Not looking for anything but A new start to my life

Tomorrow comes sooner than I think I see you in memory, it was pink, I took it in I thought it could Last forever  But then you gave me your everything. I was filled by you Before being held by you. On my bed I was on top of you Trying to keep that moment For someday...

I hear the drums I feel the earth move I see you standing there Your eyes on me Love at first glance Our first dance The music playing on But for us Just the Two of us Everything around us Fades to nothing As we dance together in this crowded room...

Filtered light through autumn leaves Rain pours and I remain Inside waiting for something to change. What is this I'm feeling so deep It's a longing for something I've never had... Love it grows inside It shows in the growth outward Rising to meet the one The love to be the rest of my life I'm finding myself in you You shall find yourself in me again I need your seed and you need my seed Our love shall grow up like a garden In between our hearts beating as one.

Don't go slowly into the night I've been waiting so long  For you to come alone Save me from myself I've found myself Stuck in the middle Of somewhere I've already been.

New dreams follow me  I've got lost looking for someone, I thought I found him years before But he was a jerk like so many others. I see you looking at me I'm watching you watch me. These times of Watching one another Are times I could Have been under you.

Start talking to me  Whisper in my ear Start playing with me My body is yours to do Whatever you want to do. Late at night beneath Fake plastic stars I dreamt of love But I never thought The love I desired Could ever taste As good as you, My lips on your sugary tip I let it drip on my tongue Before I take it all in at once.

Lay me down I confess I love it when You take me by the hand Lead me to your bed Get me out of my head Get rid of all of my dread. Dreams real tonight I'll find The things of books I've read Becoming more than what I imagined When I saw myself between your legs  It's a fantasy this I'm wanting from you For all of these years of being alone Waiting on you to come along. Lay me down and love me With every inch of your body.

Nights in the Middle  Between places I'm calling home, I've got nothing to say For the way things became So out of control. I've been taken away From everything I once knew As my everyday life But they don't know What they'll do with me I'm out of control Inside of my mind. Middle od nowhere In the middle of the night.

 Monday, October 27, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Monday, October 27, 2025 It's been a long day. It's Monday night. I'm wondering how much longer I will be here in this facility. I miss my mom. It's strange the thought of her not being there. I wish I could have her back. I'm thinking about life after this place and I'm anxious about all of the details that I don't know...

Autumn rain Leaves turning Winds blowing I'm going through Memories of before My life became such a mess.

You cannot find My view of life In those dreams you dream. I'm not you but you keep Thinking we're just alike. I find myself wondering If I have anyone at all Life has been difficult These days of struggle Have been days stolen A prisoner of the system I'm not free And I'm not allowed To be me...

It's been long A time of confinement Cannot hide it These feelings of Anxious and overwhelmed I'm in this I'm going through my mind Trying to find a solution to These feelings of needing To be anywhere but where I am Can you hear my words? I'm reaching out to you For comfort in my time alone I need someone to hold me at night.

 Sunday, October 26, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Sunday, October 26, 2025 Sunday night. First day of a new week. I've been here the weekend because my friend Gary had a health problem. This morning I wrote an email about asking for help with my move to California and other things. I sent it to organizations and churches in California. My hope and prayer is that something good comes from me sending the email. My hope and prayer is that the people who received the email can help me and they will forward the email to other people who can help me. I forgot that my paramount account was canceled when I canceled my Walmart plus account..

I'm remembering the days, Times that have been I'm reminded of you Whenever I hear this song. Barbeque place we four found ourselves Those times sharing a meal.

I'm thinking My heart sinking A boyfriend could be  A future thing A dream come true. I need him I'm not going to give up Or give in Until I find the one To make me Want to remain In bed all day.

I feel like saying I feel like praying For a lover to come over, Come on over Don't be shy I want to make you Want me more I need you To find The things hidden inside. Take me as I am Love me I'll love you As best as I can.

Sleep is a refuge Dreams my escape, Always has been Since I was a child Finding escape from my everyday Torments. I've been escaping life Since I was old enough To dream of that long road With no end...

I've got nothing but the memories Fading but never gone, It's too much to believe These months I've been waiting Now you're gone And I'm thinking About each moment We shared over these past years 

Thes dreams lingering on My friends have long been gone, I'm not sure when they went Or where they've gone But these times I'm here Struggling with the pain Of so much loss Life is about the things We gather and lose  On the way...

I'm waiting for love to come save me From these voices within So come inside me Fill me with your joy I'm ready to be yours  Are you ready to be mine? I'm eager to be aside you I'm eager to be inside you As the rain pouring outside Making music on the window As we make music with our love inside 

I'm running on empty Someone come to me Let's sit and enjoy the view, I never knew things could get As bad as they've been. I'm not pretending to be happy I'm not pretending not to want Someone to hold me close Someone to wake up to After a long night together. I'm in need of you to be Someone I can pull closer to me And watch the stars while You're inside of me, But never forget the switch.

I'm wishing we could have been, I recall the moment when I asked you that question Outside hopeful that you Loved me as much as I loved you  I'm dreaming of you again, Holding you Us being just the two of us Late night backyard I feel those feelings again That closeness That desire I felt Longing for you But the you I once knew Those years ago...

I've found the voices inside, I'm captive seeking freedom from These walls I'm bound by everyday. I'm not yours to keep, I've got a life to live And somewhere out there Is the place meant for me To be all of me...

 Saturday, October 25, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Saturday, October 25, 2025 Saturday night. I was planning to attend Spartanburg Pride today, but my friend who was driving me there is having a health problem. I won't be able to go to church in the morning or attend the Greenville FBC LGBTQ meeting tomorrow evening. I will watch my church in North Hollywood on FB live tomorrow. I'm tired of not being able to go anywhere when I want. I'm tired of being stuck here...

It was a night I'll never forget, On the couch in the living room, We talked before I went down We were there in the moment When we kissed before I held you. I pulled back on you before I took you in I wanted it to never end.

It's been so long since I've held someone closer, My body aches for touch My body needs to be held. I'm waiting for love I'm waiting for someone To become my somebody. I'm waiting for someone To sit with in the dark, Someone to take off my clothes Someone to hold me in the night. I need someone to hold me tight, Someone to treat me right.

I've been here I'm heading, I've seen the possible But now I'm finding more Opportunities in the places I've been when I was unsure of everything, When I didn't know everything about myself. Finding myself looking forward to Going back to the place I left Years ago with nothing And now I'm going back With nothing but the hope For a better life.

 Friday, October 24, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Friday, October 24, 2025 Friday night. My plans for this weekend have changed. I won't be able to go anywhere this weekend because my friend Gary is experiencing a health problem. I'm tired of being confined here.

I'm getting restless, A need I'm feeling. I'm eager but I'm not desperate, I need a boyfriend to hold me Closer as he's in me, We could switch And go through the night I've been dreaming of someone I've never met yet These feelings rushing through me Aren't new they're just different. I'm in need of a boyfriend I'm in need of a lover To hold me for hours And whisper in my ear... Softly.

How long has it been, Years passing since, Since I've been with him? He met me once One night I recall the taste of him I recall the feeling of him, I loved each minute I spent that night with him.

I've been here waiting Since the day they stuck me here, I'm not saying how long I'll be here after today But I'm longing for I'm needing something more From life than waiting for the unknown. I need someone to be mine I need someone to need me, I'm in need of being held closer With him and I discovering Each other's body.

Once upon a time Years ago we met, Starbucks down the street Hollywood boulevard, You on my bed Me on top of you. You took me in Swallowing when the conclusion came, We met a few times before not Seeing you ever again And now I can't recall The reason I stopped Meeting with you Those days long ago.

In memory I see you Like a reflection of time, I feel you beneath me As we kissed those times. I'm reminded of the things we shared Whenever looking back over time To find myself longing for you The way you were  whenever we were together alone. I tasted you once As you say on your bed, I recall the taste of you In my mouth that night Many years ago.

Alone is the mood I'm giving Take my solitude as a desire For someone to be beside me, I need you to come closer every hour Each part of you reaching out For a part of me Until you find yourself Forgetting tomorrow For this moment we're living. Our bodies together Exchange for the process Of finding satisfaction In the movements of Our bodies in this dance We've been yearning for...

 Thursday, October 23, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Thursday, October 23, 2025 Today I've been thinking about my move back to California and locating a place to live temporarily until I can get my services. I have to be there in California physically before I can receive services there so I need a place to live there prior to receiving services. I need help obtaining a temporary place to live. I have a large balance on my SNAP that I should be able to utilize when I first get to California. I watched a show on Netflix today called Boots...

 Wednesday, October 22, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Wednesday, October 22, 2025 Wednesday night. The Christ Chapel of the Valley Bible study on Zoom is tonight. I've been walking more. I need to find temporary housing in California while waiting to receive services. I have to physically be there to receive services. I'm hopeful about moving back to California soon. I'm still waiting for my benefits...

 Tuesday, October 21, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Tuesday, October 21, 2025 Tuesday night. I have the neurodivergent trans longue support group on Zoom tonight. I've walked several times today. I exercised some in my room today. I'm watching a movie on Amazon. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow...

I wake up each morning Sun through blinds Everything reminds me Of these things I've been through Trying to find my way to A life I can't imagine.

 Monday, October 20, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Monday, October 20, 2025 Monday night. I made a dentist appointment for November. I called about my life insurance. I won't have as much money as I had anticipated. I watched the first few episodes of Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man with my new friend Chris who lives across the street from me. I've started using an app that tracks my walking and other things that earn points towards a gift card. I walked over 8,000 steps today. I'm wondering how much longer it'll be before I move back to California...

 Sunday, October 19, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Sunday, October 19, 2025 Sunday night. I went to New Day church this morning. Before church we went by Burger King and McDonalds. At burger King I got a free frozen coke and a free orange juice. At McDonald's I got a free steak egg and cheese biscuit. I also received a free caramel frappe and a free orange Fanta soda. After church I used 15$ in reward vouchers at Best Buy to get JBL earbuds for a lower price. 10$ of the vouchers I won playing the McDonald's monopoly game. We went to Walmart. I bought a bag of assorted halloween chocolate. We went to First Baptist church Greenville for a picnic. Gary remained in the car because he wasn't feeling well. They pic...

I've got memories of times Being close to someone. Nothing between us A connection I've not had these years, I recall him, them, those times  And the moment of being In that moment.

Slow my breath as I take you in, Your skin against my skin I feel you and I'm in love with The feeling of you inside. I'm pulling you closer I'm pulling you near me, I need more of you...

Time Time don't make me forget Those days I miss. I've been here in my mind so long I've lost track of so many things. Time Time don't let me down, I've been waiting for so long For changes uncertain to take me From the places I've been.

 Saturday, October 18, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Saturday, October 18, 2025 Saturday evening. I'm watching an old movie on Amazon. I didn't do much today. I'm tired somewhat. Tomorrow is church and a church picnic. I don't know what else I'm this new week which begins tomorrow.

 Friday, October 17, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Friday, October 17, 2025 Friday evening. I'm sitting here thinking about my time here. I've been here 4 months. At first I thought I hated being in this facility but I realized that it was something else. I was anxious and overwhelmed because I didn't have my normal routine, my normal life, the things that I would normally do and the places I would normally go. My DSS caseworker took me to the DMV. I was there for an ID. I should have the ID within a couple of weeks. She took me to Walmart and bought me a few things I need...

 Thursday, October 16, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Thursday, October 16, 2025 Thursday. My AbleSC person came out today. We talked for about an hour. She emailed two places in California concerning housing. We looked at my SSI status on the website. It's taking so long for my benefits to be approved. I made a new friend here at the facility. He is in a house across the street from me. His name is Chris. I walked several times today. I need to exercise more. Tomorrow morning my DSS caseworker is coming up. I'm anxious about what is happening and what will happen next...

 Wednesday, October 15, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Wednesday, October 15, 2025 Wednesday evening. I've been watching shows on Hulu. I watched new episodes of a couple of series. One of the shows was the series High Potential which I would watch with my mom when she was alive. I browsed a few of the shows on my continue watching list on Hulu and I was reminded of watching those shows with my mom. It's very strange not having her anymore. She was so much to me. I miss her each day. My person from AbleSC is coming by for a meeting tomorrow. We're going to talk about finding housing in California. My DSS caseworker is coming up Friday for a meeting about housing. I'm looking forward to moving back to Cali...

 Tuesday, October 14, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Tuesday, October 14, 2025 It's been a minute since I posted. I'm planning to post on a daily basis again. I was given a pill for depression. It made me sick from side effects. I've stopped taking the pill. I'm starting to feel better. I've been talking with my caseworkers and others helping me about my move back to California. I believe there's progress being made. I'm still waiting on my benefits but I'm working on my move back to California. The one thing of several things I need to figure out is temporary housing in California while waiting to get services in California. I have a SNAP balance that I believe I could utilize in Califor...

I've got no answers I'm just figuring myself out Who am I is the question... I've been going through life Uncertain about everything Following each moment As it lead me here. Stuck in this moment I'm losing myself In the hours of waiting Watching the sun and the moon Through these most difficult times...

Chest rising Air in Is exchanging. I'm too tired to Be complaining. Nothing of before Is remaining. I'm here waiting While containing Inside all of those feelings From a lifetime of trauma. I'm going through so much But I've got nobody to turn to When things become too much for me.

Over the time passing Moon rising I'm guessing Last night dreaming Everything seeming Standstill Morning pill For depression Regression As I feel this moment  It's overwhelming Being uncertain About everything to come After this moment is done.

Lonely I'm alone everyday. Waiting for change When change takes So long to become... I'm going through Changes to my everything.

I've gone too long without you, I've gotten myself in a place I find foreign everyday. These hours of waiting Watching streaming Dreaming of a better life. I'm going through many things Emotions rushing through me As I contemplate the possible. Do I have a plan? I'm just going through Each day as it comes Pushing me forward...

Good morning Another day I'm not hopeful But I will remain Focused on getting through Each day new I'm still waiting Here for the changes to my life.

These years I've been In the middle of something, Lost in my anxiety I've been overwhelmed By the things I've experienced. Looking forward I hope things Get better but it's not easy To see anything past this moment I'm living through...

I'm putting this out there because I need help. I'm Autistic with ADHD and PTSD from trauma and sexual trauma. I'm currently in DSS custody in South Carolina waiting for my benefits. I'm working on moving back to California. I need help. I'm hopeful that someone out there will have knowledge of resources that I am unaware of. I need as much help as possible. Please share this if possible

I've got nothing but time Nothing to do but streaming, I'm dreaming of a life Away from here. It's miserable  I'm not feeling well Waiting for someon To do something  To make things better After they've made things worse. I'm here alone Stuck with everything I had once Now gone...

Don't forget me I'm not going anywhere today I'm trapped here I've been here Too long I've been trapped here For this many months.

Blues is the song Playing while I go on Don't you realize  I've been in the same place As you are now.

I've lost so much I'm alone in my struggle Trapped inside Nowhere to go  I've never been So alone as I am. These hours I live These days I drift through Trying to keep myself going It's been so much for me Never knowing what is next.

Bitter is the truth Not told by those Keeping me here Trapped in this unfamiliar Waiting to go back to the familiar.

Cold air flows over the mountain The leaves of brown and red Changes everywhere As a new month begins. I'm still here waiting Debating everything. The things before The things now The things to be Flow through my mind. I'm waiting for something I'm not sure about. It's now October And I've been away from home 4 months.