F. Jason Whitaker Writer

I'm the captain of no ship I'm watching his hips As he walks away. I could imagine The sway The two of us  Together in a rythym We don't need music for...

I've been thinking about you, Since you're gone. I've been missing Those days and nights Together we spent So much time together.

Summer days soon to be, Nothing like the way things Used to be. I have been watching the calendar Time passing since I last saw you.

One night years ago You met me at the bus station, I crossed the country, You paid for the ticket, You took the city bus Late into the evening Just to wait hours For the bus to arrive, I'll never forget you  And all you've done for me.

I'm hungry for someone, I'm longing to be Beneath him. I'm wondering Will I ever meet him?

Road trip blues Missing the open road, I recall those days We rode like We had no other place to be.

Be my love I'll be the one You come home to After a long day.

I've got no idea what's next for me, I've got no one to watch TV with, I've got no one to love but I'm ready for someone. I've got feelings, Healing from my misery. I've got a dick But no guy to ride it.

I'm here in a chair, Do I even care? Another week missing you Another day needing you. I've got no one now Alone is what I am After all those years We sat watching old shows Late intro the evening.

These times are difficult Watching the weather, Clouds of rain and thunder I'm here thinking and I wonder What happened to all of those years They went by so quickly.

It's Wednesday I'm not Wednesday. I'm going through each day Wishing today could be another day. Looking back over the years I see those memories Times we spent together But now I'm alone without you.

I've been thinking about you Each morning I wake reminded Of your passing. These days passing Since I last saw you I keep reminding myself You're no longer with me. I'm sad all of the time I'm trying to get through Another day here without you But it's so difficult being alone I'm missing you everyday.

I never noticed the things that kept me calm, Everything I now miss since it was taken from me.

I dreamt last night Woke before sun light Stretched and yawned Until it dawned on me, I could be happy alone But I could be happier If I had a guy in my life. Let's find each other  Connect in many ways, Someday we'll have a wedding And a cake, Let's find each other Someday soon 

I woke up alone in bed again, I've never had anyone To share my bed with, I've got the time And I need someone To be next to me. I sleep in the nude, I don't want to be rude Or too forward with you But I need someone To sleep in the nude with, Let's spend our days in conversation And our nights we could...

I was drifting to sleep I was inside of you In my bedroom At the end of Another day.

I'm starting again Like I've done before Lost everything again Now I'm waiting to begin again. I'm heading out west I've been there before.

I'm watching the birds Flying through the air Without a care. I'm standing alone Watching the clouds Waiting for another day To end Like every other day Since I've been here Waiting for my life to begin.

Times of before Drifting through my mind I'm rewinding through The years to find Memories of the guys I met once or twice Over the years.

You made me stiff You made me hard We went to the backseat of my car, You went down on me. I think of you from time to time I was standing tall when I first met you Not many have made me so firm I cared too much for you Because you were Like everyone else Passing through my life Just a temporary thing To occupy my time.

I recall a time I spent with a certain guy We ended the night  In someone else's bed Stayed there all night You took me home We had a brief time Maybe we could have been But things didn't work out So we parted ways For me nothing stays The same, People coming and going Out of my life.

It's time again To begin again I lost everything Now I'm blowing in the wind. A winding road My life these days If uncertainty. I'm holding out For something wonderful. I hope he'll appear In my life someday soon And give me All he has to give me.

Everything is bittersweet Everything is gone, I'm certain I was always wrong So I'm listening to the same songs That makes me want to laugh and cry Everytime I recall the days before Everything in my life changed Rearranged before my eyes, One day I was living life As best as I knew how Then they took everything I had Left me alone and uncertain of everything.

I'm still here. I haven't gone far Still no car, I'm alone Waiting for someone To be the one. Late night movie watching Waiting for the next Euphoria To be dropping, I'm heading west As fast as I can, Amtrak to California To begin my life And find the one To be my someone.

I'm here struggling I've been better I've been worse But how can I get past These past few years? I'm missing the way things were Before things changed forever.

Today I find myself alone Missing the way things were, I knew this time would come But I never knew how to prepare For such loss as this ripping my life apart.

I can feel this sadness Pulling me down The sky blue I'm blue Not knowing what to do When these feelings fill me.

Thursday, May 07, 2026 It's Thursday evening. I'm on my bed in this facility in the middle of nowhere. I'm still in DSS custody waiting for my benefits. I have my Medicaid, my disability has been approved, but I'm still waiting for social security to allow me to be my own payee and approve my social security. I need to know how much I will make per month so I can apply for housing benefits and affordable housing. I'm tired of being here. I miss her and the life I once had at home. It's weird for me to say it but I miss that house. I miss my bedroom. I miss my things. Everything I had, including money, was stolen while I have been in DSS custody. I'm tired. I'm anxious. I'm depressed. I need to move forward with my life. My hope is to receive my social security and secure housing in California. I also need to figure out how to move me and the stuff I now have to California. I have an exercise bike I would like to keep that I won while in custody. I wa...

I've been here too long, It's like the same irritating song, Nothing has changed But everything is different. I've lost so much I don't know where to begin. I'm trapped in this nightmare.

I'm just drifting through Each day another day To reach the end to As I'm dreaming of  Better days to come And the many days That have been that I miss the most...

It's another day alone here, Missing her, Missing those days and nights. I recall the moments We spent in that house, Now I'm many miles away from The house we called home And you're not far from me now But you're in the ground.

I am nowhere familiar, These days unfamiliar, I'm certain of nothing, Days gone I'm remembering, I'm just being in this moment of Day to day living. Last year everything was different, It wasn't great but I miss those days, Last year everything changed in one day And now I'm here waiting For what's next to be... Waiting for my life to truly begin But for now I'm in this in-between...