F. Jason Whitaker Writer

I'm packed ready to go Exhausted from the day Wondering if I'll stay Another night in this place Sun is going down I'm looking forward to Being in another place...

I woke up today expecting change But life remains the same for another day, How long will remain in this place I've been here far too long.

 Monday, November 17, 2025 This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Monday, November 17, 2025 Monday. I haven't felt like posting these past few days. As far as I know I'm moving out of this facility Wednesday. I have no idea where I'm going. I'm trying to get through these last couple of days being here...

I'm calling but no one will answer again I try to pretend But the pain within Reminds me Each day I've lost her Months ago.

All of these words Falling from my mind Coming down forming again. I'm writing my feelings But you'll never understand What's beneath the layers Formed by the lines Of rhymes.

I've been places I never imagined I would, These days alone Sooner than I wanted And now I'm moving again. I miss her each day I find myself dreaming about Those nights together Watching streaming Always knowing Our time together Was running out...

 Friday, November 14, 2025 This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Friday, November 14, 2025 Friday night. I've been relaxing today. I'm catching up on shows on streaming. I'm counting down the days until my eviction day. Wednesday is the day I'm being evicted...

It's early in my dreaming I know it could be, I know I want it to be More than dreaming. You hold me closer I feel you feeling me closer, I want you to get closer. Hold me Slide inside of me, Your body against mine. I want this moment To last the rest of our lives.

How do I know where to belong, I feel myself pulled in various directions, I feel time pulling me forward. Memories taking me back To when before was in the moment. I want to be held by him, I want him to be more. Time is moving My heart beating for him  How do I know What to do I'm waiting for the uncertain A future that feels out of my hands.

I've got these feelings Layers of me unpeeling Revealing things deep down inside. I find myself dreaming of my you Clothes departed We're just started I'm into you You're into me Inside the other We find comfort In these moments I imagine. I'm wanting you to Take me me by my hand Lead me to your bed And share the night together.

 Tuesday, November 11, 2025 This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Tuesday, November 11, 2025 Tuesday night. It's been cold where I'm currently residing. I've walked outside some but exercised indoors mostly. I've also been watching a show on streaming. I keep thinking about my life after this place...

These leaves falling Road winding up the mountains From here I'm calling Waiting for your response. I'm eagerly waiting My life is on hold, I'm in-between places But I'm in a place I've been so long.

Over those hours together I found myself growing closer I found myself having feelings, I have desires for you I didn't know I would, I'm looking at you differently, I'm feeling things now I hadn't before...

 Monday, November 10, 2025 This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Monday, November 10, 2025 Friday afternoon I left here for a camping trip to the mountains. I went with my church. It was great. My two best friends were there. I shared a bed with one of my two best friends in a converted horse trailer. The place we went also had two bathrooms with showers. Friday on the way there we stopped at Walmart McDonald's Speedway McDonald's Ingles Saturday we went hiking to Rainbow Falls. It was 3 miles round-trip. The trip came at a perfect time...

Trying to find the stars Late night Tiny dots of light Some bright Some not, Cold wind and I shiver. Let's gather in a circle Sing Songs And deliver Prayers for the next day And this night we're living.

Counting the minutes  After Counting the hours  I'm waiting Watching time passing As the moment I've been waiting for Gets closer to being This moment I'm living in...

Summer is gone Cold winds blow, He sat by me next to the fire, His hand on my hand I couldn't believe He was in love with me From the start.

I've kissed his neck, Found the place That lead to his... I've been in love But it was never returned.

Once I was But now I'm not, These hours awake My body tired My mind full Of these thoughts Crashing and chasing Dreams and sleep Just a continuation of The things of my daily life.

Watching the stars, Cars passing nearby, I want to hold your hand Let's stand together in the cold Around the fire we could play We could be so relaxed in the moment.

Lost in the days Captivated by the ways The clouds move through the sky. I've been waiting for years To find purpose, I've been waiting for years To begin something bigger. I sat alone dreaming,  My body seeming to make me Have needs I can't contain, Emotional contact with someone, I'm in need of love not just sex, I'm in need of a lover But it feels like I'll be forever single.

If I could write a letter To the boys I loved Through the years When I couldn't say A word to any of them, I would express those emotions I still have but I've never had Anyone to share these feelings with...

What's the best place When you can't face All the mistakes you've made Looking for yourself In the places you've been?

I've got the memory Of your cock in my mouth, I pulled back the foreskin, I loved your taste I loved being with you. It was a night ordinary in many ways But I'll never forget that night We sat in my living room I swallowed and then you held me On my bed before leaving me alone.

 Thursday, November 06, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Thursday, November 06, 2025 I'm tired. I've been overwhelmed these past few days. I'm currently watching streaming on my TV and listening to music on phone while writing this on my tablet. The trans longue support group on Zoom I was planning to attend tonight has been canceled. I'm excited about the camping trip with my church this weekend. I have no idea what I'm doing but I keep going. I can't give up...

I've got no place to be but here Trapped in my mind I find Places once thought of as lost Memories of times gone and dreams I once dreamt so many vivid dreams, People and places I dreamt A world inside of my mind. I've been dreaming while awake I can't shake the things gathered In my head, the many things From all of my life...

Running through mind At the end of another day  Thoughts come to me I feel the weight of the years It's not about getting through It's hope for days to be... Better days are ahead It's not about what was said But the things done to make Life worth living in these circumstances.

Slow my heart beat I don't know where to start But I know I've been waiting For changes to my life After so much time In-between Where I've been And where I was For these years Looking for something Anything to help me Improve what's been So bad for so long...

I woke up alone again I don't pretend not to need Someone to wake up to And not say goodbye to Once we've done what I Need to do with him, I need a boyfriend I need a boy to remain With me through the good days With me through the bad ones, I've never had a boyfriend But now I know he's something I need to get through these Bad days and good days...

The wake I was alone Her body at rest finally After years of pain,  She was unrecognizable I watched her being lowered down, I found myself missing her And I've missed her Ever since...

 Wednesday, November 05, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Wednesday, November 05, 2025 Wednesday. It was too late last night after the trans longue support group on Zoom to do my blog. Yesterday was a long day. My guardian ad litem came by yesterday. I've exercised and walked today. The Feastables chocolate I won arrived today. I'm looking forward to camping this weekend...

I'm alone here All the time Waiting for a time unknown Those days gone Were the days I miss, She meant so much to me Now I'm alone struggling through Another day.

I've got no place to go I've been here for so long I've forgotten what it's like To have somewhere to be. I'm not giving up But each day here I'm reminded of The one I've lost. She is gone And I keep going on Trying to find a way To continue on without her ..

I've been restless Watching the rest of them Going about as though They are always right. I'm not one to test I may not be the best But I'll fight and protest These days I'm here I'm counting down Until the day comes And I'm a prisoner no more.

Looking out my window Time goes And I rose From dreams vivid, Reaching back into memory I found him as he was Those years ago.

I woke to a new day Same place Nothing new Not the view Or the things I do. Awake at night Between dreams Nothing seems Real since I've been here.

 Monday, November 03, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Monday, November 03, 2025 Monday night. I'm looking forward to the weekend and camping with my church. I haven't done much today. I walked and I exercised. I watched streaming. I have another support group on Zoom with trans longue. This one takes place the first and third Thursday of each month.

It's nearly noon I'm hearing a toon I'm in the mood But I have no one To be in the mood with, I could do it myself At night alone But the feelings I have Are never gone long I'm always in the mood for Someone to live me Someone to hold me Someone to do those things with Things I haven't done with anyone in so long.

I've been here alone Longing for someone To hold me at night I turn off the light Dream of someone To take away the things That have brought me down.

I've got no place to be Can't you see what I need, I'm restless and I desires Don't you know these feelings They make me want to Find someone to hold close Our clothes thrown aside For the moment of finding Ourselves and each other Discovering these bodies together We could spend these hours Captivated by what we find out In our search and discovery.

Sun through blinds I'm feeling things Makes me want someone To be by my side. I find myself needing Something I've not had In too long.

I've got no more to lose Catch me in the mood You can stay all night. I've got a need sometimes And if you're around  We might do things I wouldn't usually do. Don't be fooled By these moods Moments I'm ready To spend all night With you when I  Wouldn't have with you On the typical day.

 Sunday, November 02, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Sunday, November 02, 2025 Sunday night. I went to New Day Church this morning. It's been a long day. I'm watching Christ Chapel of the Valley on FB at the moment. I'm looking forward to being back in California but I'm going to miss the people I know here and the people I've known back home. I miss the routines I had at home...

I hear the words in my head, Another voice Another conversation, I'm drifting between Dreams and this place While awake  Watching the walls Of my room And the spaces in-between.

When I was young I found myself In a place made of wood With an older boy Who awakened in me Something it took years To understand. I found myself those days, Across the street from my home And I found myself On a path that began those days That lead me to discover These years later Everything about who I am...

Lost in thought I follow trails Of memory Leasing me Back and forth Through time And space Looking for anything That calms me In these moments Of uncertainty.

 Saturday, November 01, 2025 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FDX1HK3WKYRW?ref_=wl_share This blog is continued on my Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/jason29171 Please visit and share my Gofundme. https://gofund.me/d8706bba Please purchase and read my books of poetry: https://amzn.to/3SBfKtX https://amzn.to/3YNGb3k Saturday, November 01, 2025 Today was great overall. My friend Julie took me to cracker barrel and Walmart. It was great seeing her. When she brought me back to the facility I'm being held by DSS I was told by the staff here that DSS told them that I have to tell the staff here, in advance, whenever I go somewhere so they can tell DSS. I'm tired of being a prisoner here.